A small while back I lost my insta and blogging mojo, life just took over the hubby was working away for a few months and I was flying solo with the twins. So blogging and social media took a rather large back seat. But on top of that I had lost my own self belief and kinda felt in the uncool crowd at school. The world of insta and blogging is a fickle little world and no matter how much we deny it everybody wants to be liked and followed and social media has spawned a whole generation of follower hungry monsters. In the world of insta I’m defo a small fry, just a small tadpole trying to catch up and be accepted into the cool club. And all those self doubts consumed me and I just wimped out and in reality gave up. Was this insta life really for me, I don’t have the perfectly designed house and my walls are not adorned with the chosen shade of Farrow and Ball; jesus our house is a military issue bog standard, you’ll take what your given military house. I’m not skinny and my figure certainly isn’t to die for, I’m more like Bridget Jones ‘always slightly overweight’. I started to question my every thought, post and comment on my blog, “was it cool and quirky enough?” “Am I wearing the in season colour?” “will people unfollow me for been different?”. So I took few weeks away to honestly wallow in self-pity, the kind that you have when your teenage crush disses you for the coolest girl in school, I didn’t wanna look at insta, I didn’t wanna read a blog or see another super cool influencer post cause I was just jealous I wasn’t as frigging cool as them.
Then something just clicked not sure what but I had some sort of epiphany and just thought “what am I doing so what if im not in the cool insta crowd” Get a bloody grip Nicola and just get your shit together. I was never in the cool girls friendship group at school, I was kinda middle of the road, there was that Regina George girl who I hated and idolised simultaneously and there were the quiet social recluse, “please don’t look at me” group and I slotted nicely in the middle. And that’s where I have always been the rest of my adult and working life, not the best not the worst, just average, just slotted in the middle and I think that quietly ate away at me, I wasn’t accepting of being average and I have punished myself for not been the best. So when it came to the world of insta and yet again I was ‘average’ and not in the cool idolised crowd it bought all these feelings of inadequacy back.
I recently turned thirty and I think with age comes acceptance I accept I will never have a figure like Jlo, mainly because my arse hasn’t seen a gym in four years and I’m partial to a doughnut or three but you know what I’m happy with that. I accept that I’m pretty unlikely to own the mansion, range rover and holiday in St Lucia like I envisioned my life to be and I’m happy with that. And I accept that I am average, I’m Mrs average, always have been always will be and you know what there is nothing wrong with been Mrs average.
This acceptance of life and not longing for perfection translated itself into my blog and insta, my insta feed is pretty average, I don’t spend hours photoshoping photos or thinking up witty captions, my blog is hit or miss, sometimes I’m dedicated sometimes I don’t log on for weeks on end, but that’s ok, I’m happy with that. We all follow some of those perfect feeds, I love looking at the perfect houses and the Stepford Wives mums that bake and do yoga before the kids wake. But you know whats also ok, my pretty average feed with pictures that are pretty average and a mum who certainly doesnt do yoga or bake (my dire baking skills are renowned).
So I took the bull by the horns put on my big girl Bridgets and faced insta and the blogging world with a resounding “fuck it”. And that’s pretty much where I am now, I’m back updating on insta and this is my first welcome back blog. I’m continuing to produce pretty average pictures, averaging boring captions and astoundingly average blog posts. Will I ever be in the cool crowd on insta probably not but I’m finally more than happy been Mrs average and I’m gonna stay here been so quite happily.